Tag Archives: change

Self-care challenge

Thinking abut self-care today. When we want to make changes in our lives we can be harsh to ourselves. Self-compassion will make the changes so much more pleasant!

This is a pile of good ideas from the wonderful Captain Awkward:

‘Let us institute a Three-Month Be Really Nice To Yourself project. Your job, for the next three months..to be really nice to yourself. Some things you can do:

1) Find an alternate audience for your feelings.

If you can get access to a counselor of some sort, do it. Vent to that person! Alternatives: Write it all down in a letter that you don’t send, call a hotline, find an internet community or space to write. Using 750words.com or the “Morning Pages” exercise from The Artist’s Way (3 pages longhand in a notebook that you don’t edit or necessarily even read ever again, first thing in the morning) can be good, as it gives you a daily writing practice. Whatever works for you, get the feelings and worries OUT OF YOUR BRAIN

2) Meet more people.

Be it a hobby, a sport, a game group, a Meetup, a fandom, singing in a chorus, get yourself out there and meet some new people doing fun stuff that interests you and makes you feel good. The best is if you can find some kind of recurring, weekly activity that will let you slowly get to know people over time.

Notice I said “Meet more people”, not “make more friends.” Making new friends = pressure! Pressure on you, pressure on the people to be good friend material. Meeting new people = No pressure! You can say “I met & talked to one new person tonight, SUCCESS!” Let making new friends be a happy surprise, not a goal.

3) Volunteer.

It’s a way to meet people. It’s a way to be useful. It’s a way to have interactions that don’t put yourself at the center and remind yourself that you have something to offer. It is, to be blunt, a way to see yourself as part of a community of your fellow human beings rather than as drowning person clinging to the leaky raft of your only friendship. Chances are there is an organization out there that matches your interests and skills. These puppies aren’t going to pet themselves.

4) Say only nice things about yourself.

It’s really hard to break a habit of comparing yourself to other people and putting yourself down, but it can be done. Don’t say mean things about your body or describe yourself as a collection of flaws. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Don’t read or watch pop culture stuff that shits on women for being single or having bodies. Try to write down or or say one thing you like about yourself every single day. It’s hokey and cheesy, and you may start out like “fucking fucking stupid affirmations stupid this will never fucking work I fucking hate everything” but if you keep doing it you’ll start laughing at the absurdity and you’ll feel tiny bit better. Your friend met someone she meshes with because of dumb fucking luck, not because she’s magically better than you in some way. You’re okay. You’re great, in fact.

5) Practice excellent self-care.

Get enough sleep, eat good food, a flattering haircut (or something else that makes you feel pretty and alive), call your family regularly if they are people who make you feel good, move your body in some way that energizes you, unfuck your habitat, pick up that book you’ve been meaning to read, maybe stop sleeping with “Shithead,” visit the dentist if it’s been awhile. This is all about finding ways to reward and nurture yourself that you can control. Be the kind of friend to yourself that you need right now. If you need someone to buy you flowers and tell you you are great today, then buy yourself flowers and tell yourself you are great.’

#546: Counter-Intuitive Friendship Fixing Advice: The Be Nice To Yourself Project

For a New Beginning by John O’Donoghue

I want to share this John O’Donoghue poem with you. For all those stepping into new places…

For a New Beginning

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge. Continue reading

Too scared to move forward with career change

Today I worked with a client who was scared. She was scared to admit what she wanted to do next with her life.

She and I had been working through the Firework career coaching process I use. She was comfortable at the early stages, identifying strengths, thinking about interests and skills. And then, as we were narrowing down ideas, designing career spectrums, she got stuck. This beautiful, creative woman was unable to think, her mind went blank. She was so scared of taking the next step her mind had seized up.

It made sense. It was a big moment. We used a tool for lifting fear that I have been sharing with clients, a simple breathing tool that is gentle yet effective. This released her to think creatively again.

Within 10 minutes she said “This is what I want to do”  Continue reading

Resurrection

‘resurrection says that what we do with our lives matters
in this body
the one that we inhabit right now
every act of compassion matters
every work of art that celebrates the good and the true matters
every fair and honest act of business and trade
every kind word
they all belong and they will all go on in God’s good world
nothing will be forgotten
nothing will be wasted
it all has it’s place’

This is an extract from Resurrection by Rob Bell, whole poem below.  I love that line ‘what we do with our lives matters’.

Continue reading

Biggest challenge to professional women is self confidence

WOMEN jumpingBiggest challenge to professional women is self confidence, feeling an impostor in their role – result of my interviews

I interviewed about 30 women about the challenges they face in their work in corporate roles and also in their personal lives. Continue reading

New daily habit – webtool

dontbreakthechainI read recently that Seinfeld is said to have spoken of the value of writing every day. He used a large wall calendar and scored a big red x over each day that he wrote. He was motivated to carry on crossing off the days and not breaking the chain.

It isn’t always the big steps that get us where we want to go, it is the consistent daily action, a succession of baby steps that build amazing outcomes. Daily action builds habits. Continue reading