Tag Archives: gentle

Self-care challenge

Thinking abut self-care today. When we want to make changes in our lives we can be harsh to ourselves. Self-compassion will make the changes so much more pleasant!

This is a pile of good ideas from the wonderful Captain Awkward:

‘Let us institute a Three-Month Be Really Nice To Yourself project. Your job, for the next three months..to be really nice to yourself. Some things you can do:

1) Find an alternate audience for your feelings.

If you can get access to a counselor of some sort, do it. Vent to that person! Alternatives: Write it all down in a letter that you don’t send, call a hotline, find an internet community or space to write. Using 750words.com or the “Morning Pages” exercise from The Artist’s Way (3 pages longhand in a notebook that you don’t edit or necessarily even read ever again, first thing in the morning) can be good, as it gives you a daily writing practice. Whatever works for you, get the feelings and worries OUT OF YOUR BRAIN

2) Meet more people.

Be it a hobby, a sport, a game group, a Meetup, a fandom, singing in a chorus, get yourself out there and meet some new people doing fun stuff that interests you and makes you feel good. The best is if you can find some kind of recurring, weekly activity that will let you slowly get to know people over time.

Notice I said “Meet more people”, not “make more friends.” Making new friends = pressure! Pressure on you, pressure on the people to be good friend material. Meeting new people = No pressure! You can say “I met & talked to one new person tonight, SUCCESS!” Let making new friends be a happy surprise, not a goal.

3) Volunteer.

It’s a way to meet people. It’s a way to be useful. It’s a way to have interactions that don’t put yourself at the center and remind yourself that you have something to offer. It is, to be blunt, a way to see yourself as part of a community of your fellow human beings rather than as drowning person clinging to the leaky raft of your only friendship. Chances are there is an organization out there that matches your interests and skills. These puppies aren’t going to pet themselves.

4) Say only nice things about yourself.

It’s really hard to break a habit of comparing yourself to other people and putting yourself down, but it can be done. Don’t say mean things about your body or describe yourself as a collection of flaws. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Don’t read or watch pop culture stuff that shits on women for being single or having bodies. Try to write down or or say one thing you like about yourself every single day. It’s hokey and cheesy, and you may start out like “fucking fucking stupid affirmations stupid this will never fucking work I fucking hate everything” but if you keep doing it you’ll start laughing at the absurdity and you’ll feel tiny bit better. Your friend met someone she meshes with because of dumb fucking luck, not because she’s magically better than you in some way. You’re okay. You’re great, in fact.

5) Practice excellent self-care.

Get enough sleep, eat good food, a flattering haircut (or something else that makes you feel pretty and alive), call your family regularly if they are people who make you feel good, move your body in some way that energizes you, unfuck your habitat, pick up that book you’ve been meaning to read, maybe stop sleeping with “Shithead,” visit the dentist if it’s been awhile. This is all about finding ways to reward and nurture yourself that you can control. Be the kind of friend to yourself that you need right now. If you need someone to buy you flowers and tell you you are great today, then buy yourself flowers and tell yourself you are great.’

#546: Counter-Intuitive Friendship Fixing Advice: The Be Nice To Yourself Project

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silence and solitude

Silence and solitude

“The great of the earth are those who leave silence and solitude around themselves, their work and their life, and let it ripen of its own accord.”   – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Silence and solitude. Silence and solitude.

Do we leave enough silence and solitude around ourselves? Continue reading

When your self confidence hits rock bottom and self nurture

I’ve had a few knock backs recently and am surprised how easy it is to slip down into self doubt. I was going along well, involved in some workshops for job clubs that I’m really excited about then BAM!

It can feel like it just came out of the blue. And then if I think a little and look back I can usually see a familiar pattern. Over committing, eating badly, not enough sleep and then something relatively minor can have a devastating effect.

Do you relate to this? Continue reading

self compassion

Self compassion, the new self confidence?

‘Do you treat yourself as well as you treat your friends and family?

That simple question is the basis for a burgeoning new area of psychological research called self-compassion — how kindly people view themselves. People who find it easy to be supportive and understanding to others, it turns out, often score surprisingly low on self-compassion tests, berating themselves for perceived failures like being overweight or not exercising.’

This is the beginning of a New York Times article on self compassion. Continue reading