If I had turned up for the April event, I would have been training since February. I would now be fitter. I might not have run the whole 10K run in April, maybe I would have walked some of the route. Yet, given that my goal is to get fit, or fitter, rather than have an impressive time for the event, that wouldn’t have mattered.

I don’t think of myself as perfectionist, yet my desire to make a ‘proper’ go of the event got in the way of my real goal – to get fit.

The same force is at work with my newsletter. Having gained a number of new subscribers I started to tell myself that this edition needed to be ultra professional, a singing and dancing version of my newsletter. This has meant I haven’t produced a newsletter in nearly four months, putting myself under pressure. And actually my goal is to connect with my readers and share something that be of assistance, rather than be super impressive. My desire to do a great job actually got in the way of my real goals.

I see this with clients who want to make career changes. Sometimes they can be paralysed for years, waiting for the perfect solution to come along. Sometimes a step forward – even if in the wrong direction – is what’s needed to get things moving.

A question for you – what are you delaying because you want to ‘get it right’? Is there an area of your life where you are waiting to have all the answers before you get moving? What is most important in this situation?

Action challenge: I challenge you to take a step forward, without all the answers.To do something rather than nothing.

And if that thought makes you seize up with fear, get in touch for some support in moving forward and making changes.

Let me know by commenting below how this applies to you.

Over this potentially stressful festive period, I am giving you a question to ask yourself.

How can I be gentle to myself?

What would it mean to be my own best friend?

As part of taking care of myself and not putting pressure on myself I am saying “no” to extra work and extra pressure. And “yes” to being as kind to myself as my friends and family are to me. I’m going to keep asking myself this question and I challenge you to do the same.

ACTION CHALLENGE: Keep this question at the forefront of your mind over the next few weeks. How can I be gentle to myself now? Today? This week? How would being gentle to yourself alter the plans you make?

Post your answers in the comment box below.

I’m going to take this a stage further.

What are the advantages of putting myself under pressure? What are the disadvantages? A clue to knowing when you are putting yourself under pressure is your body. You might hunch your shoulders or feel a knot in your chest or stomach. You might breathe shallowly through the top part of your body and not your abdomen.

My late grandmother used to serve everyone at the table first and herself last. Then she would rush from the table to get puddings. And later rush from the table to wash the dishes. She was a lovely and giving woman who wanted to serve and to look after her family and friends. Nothing was too much trouble.

Now, we never talked about it, but I imagine that she had a mental script of ‘I have to care for others’, ‘I have to serve’ and maybe ‘I mustn’t consider my own needs’.

The advantages for me were many as one of the recipients of her giving. I am sure she was blessed as she gave to others. And yet… I remember wishing that she would sit at the table a little longer, relax and let me chat to her. She often looked worried or harrassed. Maybe if she had felt less pressured to serve she would have enjoyed deeper relationships and experienced more peace?

Now this is conjecture. In my own life, I know that putting myself under pressure is not the best way to get the best out of me. As someone (partly) self employed as a life coach, I am my own boss. And I can be a worse boss to myself than I would ever tolerate in the workplace! Telling myself off, beating myself up, seldom praising and recognising the good things I do…

The advantages can sometimes be that things get done sooner. The disadvantages are stress, sleepless nights and less enjoyment of the work. When I experience less pressure there can be a natural flow and lightness to what I do.

Perfectionism is another form of this. Maybe you want to be a perfect wife, a perfect mother, a perfect daughter? Achieve the best sales results in your team? Does Christmas have to be a perfect day?

ACTION CHALLENGE: Think again of how you put yourself under pressure. Who do you pressure yourself to be? Do you want to be perfect or the best at something? Take some time to reflect. Instead of sitting down with a piece of paper, I encourage you to go and visit somewhere beautiful. Sit down by a river perhaps and ponder over the advantages and disadvantages of what you tell yourself. And as you wander, allow your heart to tell you another way of looking at the situation. What would be another way of living?

Why do you put pressure on yourself? This is a question I have been pondering recently. I am going to write a couple of posts about the subject.

Why do I beat myself up about things that often do not really matter.

First exercise – think of something you feel you HAVE to do. Say – finish the ironing this evening.

Tense a fist and say “I HAVE to… [whatever it is].” Feel the tension in your hand and arm and the corresponding tension in yourself.

Then hold out the other hand, palm up and say “I WANT to… [same issue].” Feel the difference in your arm and the corresponding relaxed state in yourself.

Consider each of those statements – I want to… / I have to…

Is either statement true?

ACTION CHALLENGE: Make a list of things which you feel you have to do and test each statement with a clenched fist and an open palm.

Consider each of those statements.

Is either statement true?

Do you have to do it?

Do you want to do it?

Sometimes I get caught up in the urgent and leave the important. The most important thing must be our health, including our mental health. It’s important to take care of our bodies, minds and spirits. When we have done that we have the physical, mental and spiritual energy to care for others. It can be so easy to procrastinate, can’t it? Leaving things until they become BIG tasks, instead of little ones. Like sorting out finances – failure to pay bills resulting in penalties and interest payment.

I’m not going to beat myself up. I have tackled and finished what was an outrageously long list of DIY tasks. I have started my tax return early. And dealt with two other tasks which I had been delaying for literally years.

ACTION CHALLENGE: Make a list of the important stuff that you’re putting off. Or a list of slightly less important but with BIG consequences if delayed. Or a list you’ve been putting off for AGES and wince whenever you think of it.

Pick the issue which has come up in your mind and if it is quick then do it now, pick up the phone or whatever. Otherwise, timetable when you can do it. A trick I have used in the past is to meet with a friend who also procrastinates the odd thing,have an evening together and both tackle a task we’ve been avoiding. It turns a chore into a pleasant social event.