In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me

Everything that comes out of me is authentically me

Because I alone chose it I own everything about me
My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,
Whether they be to others or to myself – I own my fantasies,
My dreams, my hopes, my fears – I own all my triumphs and
Successes, all my failures and mistakes

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me – by so doing
I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts – I know
There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other
Aspects that I do not know – but as long as I am
Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously
And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles
And for ways to find out more about me
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever
I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically
Me – If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought
And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is
Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that
Which I discarded – I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do

I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be
Productive to make sense and order out of the world of
People and things outside of me – I own me, and
therefore I can engineer me – I am me and

I AM OKAY

Poem by Virginia Satir

If I had turned up for the April event, I would have been training since February. I would now be fitter. I might not have run the whole 10K run in April, maybe I would have walked some of the route. Yet, given that my goal is to get fit, or fitter, rather than have an impressive time for the event, that wouldn’t have mattered.

I don’t think of myself as perfectionist, yet my desire to make a ‘proper’ go of the event got in the way of my real goal – to get fit.

The same force is at work with my newsletter. Having gained a number of new subscribers I started to tell myself that this edition needed to be ultra professional, a singing and dancing version of my newsletter. This has meant I haven’t produced a newsletter in nearly four months, putting myself under pressure. And actually my goal is to connect with my readers and share something that be of assistance, rather than be super impressive. My desire to do a great job actually got in the way of my real goals.

I see this with clients who want to make career changes. Sometimes they can be paralysed for years, waiting for the perfect solution to come along. Sometimes a step forward – even if in the wrong direction – is what’s needed to get things moving.

A question for you – what are you delaying because you want to ‘get it right’? Is there an area of your life where you are waiting to have all the answers before you get moving? What is most important in this situation?

Action challenge: I challenge you to take a step forward, without all the answers.To do something rather than nothing.

And if that thought makes you seize up with fear, get in touch for some support in moving forward and making changes.

Let me know by commenting below how this applies to you.

It isn’t always the big steps that get us where we want to go, it is the consistent daily action, a succession of baby steps that build amazing outcomes. Daily action builds habits.

In the last couple of months, I’ve started a new habit of eating fruit daily and I’m motivated by not breaking the chain. I’m following this method with a web tool, which fits into igoogle.com home page – Don’t break the chain.

Pick a change you want to make and resolve to take daily action.Use the line of marked off days as a motivator to continue to take action.

ACTION CHALLENGE: Where are you afraid? What can you focus on that will help you see beyond your fear?

What does this mean? This Youtube clip shows the results of one young woman’s gap year trip and where she ended up. As a result, she says, of following the prompting of her heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2STnO01zGw

Have you watched it yet?

Her babysitting money!

I can’t help wondering what would happen if we all followed our hearts. What would the impact be on our families, our towns, our country, our world? To be honest, it’s too momentuous even to imagine. I get stuck even imagining what might happen if I followed my own heart…

There are so many voices clamouring for our attention. Voices from advertising saying we need the latest car, moisturiser, handbag. The news programmes with messages of fear and tragedy. Memories of voices from our childhood with messages about who we are. Opinions from friends and families, helpful and unhelpful. That ‘gremlin’ voice which tells us we should or shouldn’t or ought.

It can be difficult to tune out the other voices in order to hear our own.

What is your vision, your dream? What do you want? What do you believe? What would make you happy? Do you have a purpose? And in this moment, what is your heart telling you?

Instead of grandiose goals for 2009, I want you to think small, think doable. This New Year, I want to encourage you to start listening to that still small voice. And start to follow some of its promptings. Learn to distinguish between the other voices and the voice of your heart.

Listen to your heart’s prompting about your job and your career. Is your heart linked to what you do? I remember watching the film JFK and coming out of the cinema with a profound conviction that I was in the wrong line of work. I ignored that impulse for many years to come. I’m sure that that time was fruitful and have no wish for regrets. And yet wonder what my life would have been if I had always listened to my heart. If you listened to your heart who would you be?

ACTION CHALLENGE: For a set period, perhaps a few days or a week, make a conscious decision to listen to your heart. Have a structure to remind you, an alarm on your computer or PDA or phone. Then regularly take a few deep breaths and listen.

And if you want some help in following your heart, get in touch. I’d love to support you in that process.

love Rosalyn x

- Mark Twain

These three words are also the three headings of my career coaching package, devised by Firework Coaching (click here for testimonials of those who have used the Firework programme). This is a structured programme to get a thorough understanding of yourself and what you need to be fulfilled in life. We will work together to explore your work preferences and what motivates you. As we work together you’ll become clearer about what is really important to you – your values, key strengths, work motivators, favourite skills, your passions and interests. At the end of the programme we create a structured action plan which will take you from where you are to where you know you want to be.

ACTION CHALLENGE: What are you resisting? What are you NOT doing, that one day might disappoint you? Where in your life do you want to do more exploring, more dreaming, more discovering? I challenge you to sail away from the safe harbour…

Last week, I was unable to go to bed, captured by the unfolding events of election night in the US. The next morning there seemed to be a feeling of hope and optimism imported from across the Atlantic. There was a new joy in the air.

Something has changed. The cynical have been willing to lay aside their cynicism and dare to hope. This election result felt similar to the 1997 Labour victory, the hope of something new.

It is all too easy to become disillusioned. How can we hold on to this optimism, this hope, in a way that is grounded for us? This election has touched something deep in us that we can preserve however Obama manages or does not manage his job. What is that deep place?

Friend and fellow coach Corrina Gordon-Barnes suggests a way. She writes of how Obama is a new kind of leader, with his “Anything is possible” ideology. She suggests we look around us for other inspirational leaders. And then we need to identify the inspirational leader within ourselves. To recognise “Yes we can” – and then get on and do it.

Corrina challenges in her blog post ‘Your Slice of the World‘

1. Make a list of ten people, alive today, who give you hope, who inspire you, who you’re happy to have in charge of their slice of the world, no matter how big or small that piece is. Alongside their name, identify why it matters that they play that role.
2. Share this with each of them – alert that person to their own significance. They might not know. Also, find a way of supporting them.
3. Scan the list you made in the first section and notice which values popped up repeatedly. Allow yourself to realise what’s most important/significant for you – this might help you with the next step…
4. Finally, identify which slice of life you are currently responsible for. How are you doing? What’s next for YOU as a leader in this area? (Hint: It’s probably a step that feels scary)

I found answering the questions a moving experience, connecting me back to what is important for me.

None of my answers are perfect people, all have feet of clay. And actually that makes them more inspiring:

• Barack Obama – for not taking the easy route, for his grassroots work despite his privileged education and his ability to listen and inspire hope.

• Florence Terry – for her generosity and willingness to flout convention and consumerism.

• Coaches – Both Molly Gordon and Corrina Gordon-Barnes for their authenticity and willingness to share of their lives, including the personal in order to help others.

• And Tina Southgate for her determination, boldness, courage and strength in the face of adversity.

• MP Clare Short for being principled, her strong ethics in connection with international development and her campaign against page 3 for which she received so much ridicule.

• Jamie Oliver for campaigning within his field for people to eat real food and also championing organic food and cruelty free farming.

• Birmingham Head of Women’s Aid for her championing of the rights of women suffering domestic violence.

• Roy Searle – for his work founding the Northumbria Community, a dispersed order of ‘monasticism of the heart’, who seek God through being available to others and vulnerable.
• And my late grandfather Cyril Leonard for studying for a degree in his thirties, for daring to think that he could change his life and be more and do more. And for never losing his hunger for learning.

ACTION CHALLENGE: Write your own list of 10 people and post them below in the comments field. And follow the steps above to identify the leader that you are.

Is it time to leave your job?

Friend and career coach Janice Robertson has written an article on some of the questions to consider.

-do you hate your job or just the boss?
-do you feel like a square peg in a round hole?
-do you have another calling?
-is there a possibility of redundancy?

‘In this day and age it is quite common for people to change career at least once in their working life. It’s an important decision though – one which will affect you and can affect your close family. In order to help you to decide whether this is the right move for you consider these questions:

DO YOU HATE YOUR JOB OR JUST THE BOSS?

It’s important that you make this distinction. If you love what you do and it’s just the boss or even work colleagues that you can’t get along with then changing careers might not be the answer for you. If you are not able to make it work with your boss on your own then seek help through your human resources department, if you have one, or get some coaching on this specific matter. If all else fails then before you take the leap into a different career, look at other employers in the same field or even consider becoming self employed doing the work you love!

DO YOU FEEL LIKE A SQUARE PEG IN A ROUND HOLE?

There could be many reasons why you feel that you just don’t fit it with your current career.

It could be that there is a conflict between your own personal values and ethics and those of your employer’s.

-The job is more stressful than exciting and you feel burnt-out.

-Your job is no longer challenging – you’ve gone as far as you can – got pretty much all that you can out of it and there are no opportunities for promotion.

-You could be in a job that was chosen by your parents rather than in one aligned with your own true interests or passions.

-You fell into your job without really thinking about your career goals and wonder how you got here!

-What interested you at 21 no longer excites or motivates you.

DO YOU HAVE A CALLING OR ARE YOU SEARCHING FOR YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?

Sometimes, you just have a sense that there is more to life – that there is something you are meant to be or something you are meant to bring to the world. It feels literally like you are being called!

If you feel like this and can’t really explain to yourself why you have this feeling, then have a think about the things in your life that you are drawn to. It could be hobbies, interests, types of people, jobs that catch your eye, areas of study that pull you time and time again.

I believe that our life purpose is about expressing our unique talents and gifts. Do have a need to express yourself in some way?

IS THERE A POSSIBILITY OF REDUNDANCY?

In today’s uncertain climate there is of course the possibility of redundancy. Having myself been through redundancy I am aware that it can be a time of upheaval and also I must stress an opportunity to try something new, something that you’ve always dreamed of doing. Before you take the leap into a new career, find out whether your employer is considering offering redundancy packages – it could just be the cushion you are looking for while you train or look for something you really want to do.

DO YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO CHANGE CAREERS BUT DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO NEXT?

Most of us haven’t thought about what we wanted to do since school – even then people often jump into the first job without really thinking about long term career goals or what really matters to them about work.

If you have decided that you really do want to change careers but don’t know what you want to do next then consider getting some career counselling or coaching to help you to discover a new career aligned with your true interests, passions, values and life purpose.’ (Janice Robertson)

Am I alone in finding this scary? Of wanting the future to be known and certain before I even start?

Setting up my own business and being self-employed for the first time is challenging. I ask myself “What if this fails? What if I fail?” With new activities and new relationships I ask the same question.

Failure feels like a deep pit into which I could fall, never to resurface.

It’s not logical.

And emotions are not always logical.

Failure feels like a message telling me I have no worth and I am not good enough. I believe this to be a message learned from an academic school for which exam results were everything. Competition was instilled into us from an early age.

In the past, my fear of failure was terrifying enough to cause me to delay. I delayed leaving my old corporate job, out of fear that I might get the next thing wrong. I delayed until I almost had no choice. Fear of failure has stopped me from trying new things, in case I am no good at them.

There is a cost to having this perspective on failure.

Past experience has taught me I don’t die when I fail. This sounds kinda obvious, yet sometimes it can feel that dramatic. I failed my Chemistry exam when I was 15 (and decided to give up the subject). I failed my driving test first time round (and went on to pass on my second). On a more serious level, my marriage failed. Yet I learned so much about myself and what I want from my life.

Failure provides the opportunity for learning and new growth.

I recently attended a salsa class. I was worried about being such a slow learner that it would be humiliating; worried that I would ‘fail’ the class. In the end I decided to go and have fun, irrespective of whether I learned salsa as fast as everyone else. I risked failure, realising that my worth as a human being did not depend on whether I was a quick learner of salsa. In this case, failure simply didn’t matter.It was a brilliant class, I wasn’t the worst (!) and I had a great night.

Another perspective on failure is that of Winston Churchill. ‘Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.’ And ‘Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.’

When I think of a toddler learning to walk, no one counts the number of times she falls over, least of all the toddler. She is not a failure if she takes longer to learn to walk than her little friend. What counts is her courage to continue. Her enthusiasm for learning to walk is not diminished by falling over, by failing. In business speak, this is failing forward, a failure that is actually part of the journey on. As an adult learning a new sport and learning a new skill involve a long series of getting it wrong before getting it right.

I am learning that there is more than one way to look at failure.

ACTION CHALLENGE: What is the impact on your life of the fear of failure? Where could you risk failure or even aim for failure in order to move your life on?