http://youtu.be/sdMRA0JPqsk

Contact me if you’d like to know more about the work I’m doing with Striding Out.

Self confidence – what are the keys to self confidence? Those that have subscribed to my newsletter will have received two articles on the keys to self confidence.

To recap:

Firstly, knowing who you are, what are your strengths, what matters to you and what you want in life. Part of this is setting boundaries and being able and willing to say “no”.

Secondly, knowing where you are heading and setting goals in order to get there.

Facing fears is a necessary part of setting boundaries and also moving forward towards your goals. I’ve noticed a correlation in my willingness to move beyond my comfort zones and the speed at which I move forward.

I fear heights – so recently went abseiling. I wanted to stretch myself. We started with a short rock, maybe 10 foot tall, then a bigger one then a bigger one still. Part of abseiling is leaning back over the edge of the rock to the point of being almost horizontal, then walking back down. I found it was better just to do it and not spend too much dreading the experience. Face the fear and then get walking. I can’t honestly say I enjoyed the abseiling. And yet I achieved something I had thought impossible.

There was something about those abseils which showed me I could face other fears. I can do more than I realise.

And feeling scared doesn’t mean that I have to stop. It is possible to move on whilst being scared.

So that movement out of mycomfort zone of staying away from heights  showed me that I can move out of other comfort zones, that I can do more than I think or feel is possible. I now know that if my life depended on it, I could abseil.

Just suceeding in doing something scary is good for my self confidence. It gives me a sense of achievement. There’s evidence to show that doing new things, even if it’s just trying a new sandwich shop at lunchtime, is good for self confidence. Stretching oneself.

In the next few months I have been asked to give a series of workshops on leadership to some young people in Birmingham. That will represent a stretch, doing something slightly scary. I am more able to do this because I have chosen other stretches.

So, as the new year of 2010 starts, what fears do you want to face? How can you move out of your comfort zones?

ACTION CHALLENGE:

A little stretach – Try something new this month. A new sport, a new activity, a meeting up with a new acquaintance. Not necessarily something scary, just a gentle move in a new direction.

Or a bigger step. What would you do if you were not afraid? How would taking a risk right now move you forward?

Comment below, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
© Rosalyn Clare

Offer: To celebrate my accreditation – I’m now a certified professional coactive coach (hurrah!) – I’m offering a reduced price session to get you to face your fears and move forward towards your goals.This offer is for the first 10 people to email me and apply. Price only £20 (normally £75)

Is it time to leave your job?

Friend and career coach Janice Robertson has written an article on some of the questions to consider.

-do you hate your job or just the boss?
-do you feel like a square peg in a round hole?
-do you have another calling?
-is there a possibility of redundancy?

‘In this day and age it is quite common for people to change career at least once in their working life. It’s an important decision though – one which will affect you and can affect your close family. In order to help you to decide whether this is the right move for you consider these questions:

DO YOU HATE YOUR JOB OR JUST THE BOSS?

It’s important that you make this distinction. If you love what you do and it’s just the boss or even work colleagues that you can’t get along with then changing careers might not be the answer for you. If you are not able to make it work with your boss on your own then seek help through your human resources department, if you have one, or get some coaching on this specific matter. If all else fails then before you take the leap into a different career, look at other employers in the same field or even consider becoming self employed doing the work you love!

DO YOU FEEL LIKE A SQUARE PEG IN A ROUND HOLE?

There could be many reasons why you feel that you just don’t fit it with your current career.

It could be that there is a conflict between your own personal values and ethics and those of your employer’s.

-The job is more stressful than exciting and you feel burnt-out.

-Your job is no longer challenging – you’ve gone as far as you can – got pretty much all that you can out of it and there are no opportunities for promotion.

-You could be in a job that was chosen by your parents rather than in one aligned with your own true interests or passions.

-You fell into your job without really thinking about your career goals and wonder how you got here!

-What interested you at 21 no longer excites or motivates you.

DO YOU HAVE A CALLING OR ARE YOU SEARCHING FOR YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?

Sometimes, you just have a sense that there is more to life – that there is something you are meant to be or something you are meant to bring to the world. It feels literally like you are being called!

If you feel like this and can’t really explain to yourself why you have this feeling, then have a think about the things in your life that you are drawn to. It could be hobbies, interests, types of people, jobs that catch your eye, areas of study that pull you time and time again.

I believe that our life purpose is about expressing our unique talents and gifts. Do have a need to express yourself in some way?

IS THERE A POSSIBILITY OF REDUNDANCY?

In today’s uncertain climate there is of course the possibility of redundancy. Having myself been through redundancy I am aware that it can be a time of upheaval and also I must stress an opportunity to try something new, something that you’ve always dreamed of doing. Before you take the leap into a new career, find out whether your employer is considering offering redundancy packages – it could just be the cushion you are looking for while you train or look for something you really want to do.

DO YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO CHANGE CAREERS BUT DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO NEXT?

Most of us haven’t thought about what we wanted to do since school – even then people often jump into the first job without really thinking about long term career goals or what really matters to them about work.

If you have decided that you really do want to change careers but don’t know what you want to do next then consider getting some career counselling or coaching to help you to discover a new career aligned with your true interests, passions, values and life purpose.’ (Janice Robertson)

I have been gathering information from my survey on job satisfaction and now I want more detail.

Do you know someone who fits the description?

Maybe YOU are one of these women?

Get in touch – rosalyn@rosalynclare-coaching.co.uk – to schedule an interview. As a ‘thank you’, you can receive a 30-minute kickstart ‘Design Your Escape Route’ coaching session – at no charge.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Rosalyn

We are used to the notion of putting up with things. “How are you?” “Can’t complain” “Mustn’t grumble” “Could be worse”

And as a (British) race I sometimes wonder if we like to have something to moan about.

Tolerations can drain so much energy that we haven’t enough left over for the things we really like to do. Like a couple of very small stones constantly in a shoe, or the feeling of being slightly spiked by a cactus.

What am I tolerating?

I recently came to realise that the voluntary work I was doing was draining my energy and eating into precious time I didn’t really have. I tolerated it for the good of the young people and the good of the project. Sounds a bit pompous, doesn’t it?! And then one day I noticed that I didn’t know all the names of the young people. and I’d asked one volunteer what she did 4 times… I started to question who was benefiting from me doing this work. I certainly wasn’t. And maybe the project wasn’t either.

So I left. At a good time, to minimise inconvenience and nevertheless I left.

This spurred me on. To get a quote for some decorating which I haven’t got round to in such a long time. To finally recycle my old microwave and toaster which had been sitting in the boot of my car. All those things which caused irritation and depleted precious energy, as I noticed them.

And, more challenging, to re-examine some friendships which were more than slightly one-sided,

To make room for the life I want to lead.

To allow energy to be spent on relationships and my business and family and the things that matter to me.

ACTION CHALLENGE: write a list of ten things that you are tolerating. Tackle one a week and notice the change in your energy levels.

And, a more challenging question – is your job a toleration?

And one of the songs I heard repeatedly over that time had the above line.

“This life is more than just a read through” – quote from Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

I used to get my friends to listen out for that line. One of the drivers of the overland truck we used had (it seemed) very few CDs, so we often heard the album this is on.

Whilst I was travelling, I felt my life was not a rehearsal, not just a read through, but I was really living. Some of that was being somewhere beautiful. Experiencing new things. Seeing new places, new countries. Going to a St Patrick’s party in a multi storey car park in Buenos Aires. Jumping off a bridge on a bridge swing. Horse riding through the Andes and through the lush green landscape of Ecuador. Lots of lying in hammocks. And drinking Cuba Libres.

And a long way from rush hours and having to bill my time by the 15 minute slot (will be familiar to lots of you!).

It was also about fulfilling a long held dream. There were lots of practical reasons not to go off backpacking in my ’30s. Lots of more sensible things to do with the money, maybe. But following that dream – and having a great time – made me feel alive. Extra alive!

We only have one life to live right now here on earth. Whatever our beliefs about an after life.

I feel alive right now too. I’m very excited about the work I do with people. Helping them to overcome the fears and insecurities that stop them living the life they really want. Coaching has helped me personally in many ways and I love to see others make changes too.

ACTION CHALLENGE: Do you have dreams? Dreams of starting your own business, living in France or taking up the clarinet? Let me encourage you to listen to your heart rather than that negative gremlin on your shoulder. I have two suggestions. Firstly find someone who will believe in your dream to support you. Secondly, identify one thing you could do this week which would move you closer to that dream and take that baby step.

‘If I was not afraid, I would…’

One life coaching exercise I have found dramatically effective is to answer the above. Daily. For a week or two. And notice what items come up again and again. Little things and big things.

I have met people who do not admit they are fearful. Yet something is holding them back from the life they truly want.

As you answer the question, notice how your mind expands to think of new possibilities for your life. This question can reveal your true desires.

ACTION CHALLENGE: Open a new document on your computer and answer the question ‘If I was not afraid, I would…’ Make a list of everything you would be and do. Answer the question every day for a week and look at the opportunities you have listed.

Coaching is about getting excited about looking beyond the easy and glimpsing the new and the thrilling. Contact me if you would like to talk about moving beyond fear.

“Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Quoted by Nelson Mandela,

Marianne Williamson – A Return to Love

This is pretty powerful stuff, made even more powerful by the man who quoted it. It turns our normal thinking upside down. It turns my thinking upside down. The British way is to be self deprecating, to be shrinking. To criticise oneself even. Women, myself included, can refuse compliments. We can be scared to admit our strength and our gorgeousness.

Yet letting our light shine gives others permission to shine. What does that mean for you?

ACTION CHALLENGE: Open a new document on your computer and note down what this means to you for you and your life right now. Reread this every day for a week and ponder each day what it means for you to shine. At the end of the week, look for themes in what you have written.

If you’d like some support in being even more brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous, drop me a line.

When I first started I was so excited that I would stay up late at night working on my website. Googling business articles and reading everything. Being able to use my laptop in bed is a mixed blessing!

From being a social butterfly who was rarely in, I became ‘too busy’ to see friends and couldn’t spare a weekend to see my family. My regular swimming routine became irregular and I succumbed more and more to the lure of fast food… Yet (strangely?) I had time to volunteer with Leaps and Bounds, an exciting project with young people.

I discovered that I wasn’t invincible. I made mistakes – as expected – and lacked the stamina to pick myself up again. There was a turning point when my friend Tina got me to admit I needed to cut down.

I realise that I cannot ignore my need for rest and relaxation. I cannot ignore my fitness and health. Those two neglected areas of the wheel of life. Without self care I lack the strength and stamina to make changes in the rest of my life.

It’s still early days. Having realised that self-care needs to be the spine that holds the rest of my story together, I want to design that spine.

I know many of you will be further down the line with this one. Share your ideas in the comment field.

My thoughts so far – 7 new habits:

1. Enough sleep each night – for me 8 hours
2. Fresh food – without ingredients that end in -ate and cannot be pronounced – and 2 litres of water a day
3. Regular exercise
4. Daily spiritual practice – prayer/meditation/yoga
5. Boundaries around work time and play time – not doing work in front of the TV and set times for stopping
6. Regular relaxation treatments – massage, reflexology
7. Time with people who build me up and do not drain me

ACTION CHALLENGE: Are you working too much? Is work depleting your confidence and energy? Print off my 7 habits or design your own. Make a decision that you want to treat yourself better in 2008.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village.

An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

“Not very long,” answered the Mexican.

“But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.I have a full life.”

The American interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.”

“And after that?” asked the Mexican.

“With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.”

“How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.

“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the American.

“And after that?”

“Afterwards? Well my friend, that’s when it gets really interesting,”answered the American, laughing.
“When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!”

“Millions? Really? And after that?” asked the Mexican.

“After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends.”

And the moral of this story is: ……… Know where you’re going in life… you may already be there.